Yesterday, James phoned me, sounding like an excited schoolboy. “Do you want to do something naughty?” he said. At this point my mind started to race, thinking about what forbidden fruit he had in mind. “There are a couple tickets left to the premiere of Indiana Jones at midnight. Do you want to go?”
So we went. Along with a host of Fedora-wearing fans.
The anticipation in the cinema was intense. Even the Renault ad got a cheer from the crowd (please note the Sex and the City and Mamma Mia! trailers got the opposite reaction). Soon the familiar Paramount Pictures mountain appeared, indicating the ride was about to begin.
Are you familiar with the phrase “when the gods want to punish us, they answer our prayers”? Well, that’s a pretty good way to describe my feelings about Indy IV. Since the rumours started to circulate three years ago that another Indiana Jones was on the cards, I’ve been excited about it. After all, this was the film series that made me want to be an archaeologist as a little girl (we can all see how well that worked out).
So what’s the problem? What wasn’t a problem is a better question. After George Lucas ruined the Star Wars franchise, I was a little worried about his involvement with Indy IV. But, et tu, Stephen?
I’m just going to have to come out and say it. If you don’t want to know, stop reading now. Indiana Jones has always been about Nazis, Judeo-Christian myth, good versus evil, and great one-liners. So where did the freakin’ aliens come from?
That’s right. Aliens.
The plot, in a nutshell, is that Indiana Jones finds a crystal skull that turns out to be an alien skeleton head. When the head is returned to the body, shit happens. Along the way, he is reunited with long-lost love Marion Ravenwood from Raiders and her son, played by a Marlon Brando-esque Shia La Boeuf. A quick note on Karen Allen’s acting: she’s been a yoga teacher since Raiders. It shows.
I’ve been reading all the interviews in Empire with the Indy IV production team. Speilberg kept saying that they were staying true to the Indy tradition of storytelling, doing real action sequences and avoiding CGI.
Avoiding CGI? So they actually cast all those flesh-eating ants and the comedy-value gophers? I remember the good old days when a snake was a snake, a bug was a bug, and a rat was a rat. Sigh. There are more examples, but I can’t be asked to go into them.
I think the biggest problem is that, instead of being taken along on a journey with well-developed characters, we were bombarded with plot points, shallow bad guys and even shallower good guys. It felt more like an excuse for Lucas and Spielberg to make references to all their past films, like Encounters and American Grafitti, than a proper film.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. The entire purpose of the film was to set up Shia La Boeuf as the inheritor of the Fedora, as Harrison Ford hangs up his whip to sip cocktails by the pool with Calista Flockhart.
If I knew someone in the cast and I had to say something nice to him about the film, I’d say that I liked Indy’s reaction when he saw Marion again and the fridge thing was pretty funny. And I suppose the CGI gophers were cute.
So, my verdict? See it, but don’t expect to love it. I won’t be buying it on DVD. And I’m definitely going to stop praying for another Back to the Future. 